Possible exorcism required

Our printer (HP 700 series) is demonically possessed. Though demonically may be too strong a word. A tiny elderly woman from Madras, her formerly impeccably starched white shalwar kameez besmirched with ink, is trapped inside, somewhere in the DMZ where paper jams occur. Whenever she makes attempts to escape, she triggers the printer and it spits out – at half-speed – about one third of the take out menu for a new Indian restaurant down the road. She is disconsolate. She worries if she will ever get the ink stains out of her shalwar kameez, as do I.