Paranoia 101

Well, I was reading the El Salvador guide book and the main thrust is that the potential tourist shouldn’t worry too much about its reputation for violent crime, kidnapping, death squads and hooliganism, because things are much improved from the days when gangs ruled the streets.
Which is an excellent point to make in a guide book.

And then my computer guy told me that he only touches people or things outside the house with his sleeve. At first I had no clue why he did this – did he break his wrist? - and then it became clear: PANDEMIC!

And you know how the birds are flying too low and slamming into your windshield as you innocently drive down the road? That is because they all have West Nile Fever. And as soon as a mosquito carrying West Nile Fever bites someone with Swine Flu, a dangerous and creepy hybrid will emerge: West Swine Flu of De Nile.

But we are going to El Salvador for a lovely wedding to be celebrated (in Spanish and Italian) in a chapel at the foot of a volcano.
The volcano has been dormant for years now, but that’s no guarantee of anything.

Am I the last person in the Tristate area to learn about the recent eruption of three underground volcanoes that is causing the gloomy ashen sky and the cold Spring?