Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Post nuptial report

(Have you ever wondered why nuptial is pronounced that way it is, instead of the way it looks? Put another way, have you ever wondered why it isn't spelled nuptual? Even given the eccentric and occasionally absurd pronunciation of the English language, this irks me. But onward.)
I am still in a fog induced by last weekend's wedding of Tristram and Nika. (Additional fogginess provided by recent dilation of eyeballs for retina examination. Results: eyeballs look good.) And I would like expatiate on some of the happy moments of the weekend, the beautiful bride, the pink champagne, the charming South African cousins, the speeches, the beautiful bride, the sun finally shining, the flowers, the lavender in her upswept hair, the trumpets in church, the poetry of Emily Dickinson & the letters of Rilke, the ringing of the church bells, my son's gracious & sublime speech (the course of maternal pride runs strong these days), the beautiful bride, her father's speech, her mother's charm and ebullience and mother-in-law solidarity, the music ("Straight from Astoria,Queens") by Tristram's nursery school classmates, still making great music, the children dancing all night, the sheer happiness of their love.

But it really is too much, so I will instead tell you what Tristram's younger cousins learned at his wedding:
Out on the dance floor, M, a college roommate of Tristram’s, took aside Dylan (13) and Christian (13) and told them that dancing up a storm was the surest way to get laid.
Later when he saw them spooning up honey from the jars of specially bottled Let it Bee Local Honey(in honor of the sweetness of the newlyweds) M asked the boys about “honey shots”. Upon trying the honey he suggested that it would be a great date strategy as well. (Note to self: a new marketing strategy for Let it Bee Local honey? Put a Buzz in your Libido?*)

From the groom’s godfather, P.U., they learned of Tristram’s weekend outing in Greenwich Village at age seven (21 years ago), and his fascination with the Condomania Store (it used to grace Bleeker Street, in more innocent times). Being a dutiful godfather, PU endeavored to explain to his young charge the raison d’etre for such things, in all their myriad colors and flavors. Surely there were several godfathers in attendance wondering if they had fulfilled their duties properly.

Back at their hotel, the young cousins learned that an AMPLE SINGLES event does not mean there are piles of one dollar bills. It is a dating party for large people, very large people. And in some cases, the skinny people who love them.

According to the bride’s father, the key to a happy marriage is deciding early on who will be right and who will be wrong. In all cases I know the wife is right and the husband is wrong; there is rarely an exception to this rule. This struck me as very wise. I suspect that had we followed that simple precept, my ex and I might still be married. Or maybe I am reading way too much into this.
Another surefire path to marital bliss, according to the bride’s father, is to assign unimportant decisions to one spouse (where to live, where the children will go to school, how holidays are celebrated) and important ones to the other spouse (whether to bail out GM, whether to invade Iraq, Syria, Iran, or North Korea). I don’t need to tell you who decides what.

*Thanks to my brother-in-law Hal for this copy.
Photos by Lee Hewitt


Rebecca Rice said...

Loved the post-nuptial report; I,too, had wondered about the spelling.

I loved the bride's father's advice about the happy marriage. It seems to me that the most evolved men are those who are willing to concede to women the divine right of queens!

Good luck to the newlyweds. I supsect that they will be happy for many long years!

Diggitt said...

The Online Etymology Dictionary explains it all for you.

1490, from L. nuptialis "pertaining to marriage," from nuptiæ "wedding," from nupta, fem. pp. of nubere "take as a husband," related to Gk. nymphe "bride," from PIE *sneubho- "to marry, wed" (cf. O.C.S. snubiti "to love, woo," Czech snoubiti "to seek in marriage," Slovak zasnubit "to betroth").

So the ia is already there. That is, etymologically the spelling makes sense. As for the pronunciation? Hey, we're the people who pronounce nuclear as nucular ... a strange race indeed.

pond said...

When you are 14 it is VERY hard to be thought 13! Just a minor clarification.
And I think you forgot to mention how incredibly gorgeous, beautiful, and stunning the bride was! (or maybe you did....) I agree.

mclehner said...

Where are the cute pictures of Leda? One is simply not enough!

reine said...

Minor corrections spurred from love and the desire to come a little closer to the truth.
The young man being discussed was 11 at the time of his trip to Condomania, not seven. Poetic license may have gone a little far on this one.
Leaving all the decision making to one party in a marriage, while charming, actually doesn't seem like a very good idea at all. It would simply create imbalance where (as your son & his new wife have absolutely proved), the egalitarian marriage is the one that rules. I also think the man who shared this wisdom does not in the end abide by it.

And for my last note... I most definitely think you should put 'put a buzz in your libido' on every bottle on honey.