Perhaps this is not the first thing that occurred to you.
But I can vouch for its efficacy.
I found it impossible to weep while I figuring out the difference between witch hazel and hydrogen peroxide, and then memorizing their many hitherto-unknown-to-me uses, such as: Hydrogen peroxide for whitening animal bones, removing fresh blood stains, controlling fish fungus, and removing skunk odor.
Witch hazel for pimples, hemorrhoids & after shave.
And in order to count how many packages of dental floss (more than 8, all freebies from the dentist) you have, you must concentrate and that means you are not obsessing about birthday presents you might have given your ex-husband when he was not your ex, and alive. It is impossible to simultaneously calculate the total length of dental floss and regret that you never found him a first edition of William Burroughs’ Naked Lunch.
[Since reading the expiration dates of all the OTC medications is sure to remind you of mortality, I would not recommend that route.]
Instead, organize all your tubes and bottles of sunscreen and arrange them in ascending order of SPF strength (Bain de Soleil 8 to Neutrogena 70).
And if the above is not enough distraction from your misery, you can tackle the mystery of why you have so many tubes of Neosporin (Original and Maximum Strength), Bacitracin, Hydrocortisone cream and Benadryl anti-itch cream.
And please, let me know what you figure out.
As a last resort: paint the inside of the medicine cabinet bright blue or green.
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4 comments:
This original post had to be removed for typos. "This is good advice."
Trying to sort through, weed out mold from and not cry over thirty years of life stored in a flooded basement (on a cliff?!?)--my basement, my life, that is--well, all I could do was get into my car and put 1200 miles on it going north, south, west and east.
And all along I could have just stayed home and sorted out the medicine cabinet
I painted the inside of the medicine cabinet in my new apartment the same bright yellow as the bathroom itself. Yellow ALWAYS makes me feel great (which is why I also carry yellow umbrellas most of the time) but is missing in the Twin Cities--except in my bathroom and kitchen.
Having just cleaned out my sweetheart's kitchen, I can warn you that EVEN IF THE NUTELLA HAS NEVER BEEN OPENED, if the sell-by date was 2002, you should leave it closed as you remove it.
I loved this post--the humor, the despair beneath the humor, the quirky details.
Your writing is positively medicinal!
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